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clocks drive you crazy, too by ~foreverhope:iconforeverhope:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open




clocks drive you crazy, too


1.       I brushed my teeth five times today.

2.       I take you as truth.

3.       I am better on paper (I promise.)

4.       Home is portable like a red plastic suitcase.

5.       There was a whole table between us, and you had a girl in your arms and I had a boy in mine.

6.       You looked at me like a tango dance.

7.       These days, mirrors are surprising like ghosts.

8.       At 1:58 I arrived at this huge hotel of a house, this incubator, this place I am passing through on       
               the way to the world –
                         and never have I felt so home.
©2005-2009 ~foreverhope
:iconforeverhope:

Author's Comments

Eight truths from yesterday.







(I am learning to become a traveler.)

Daily Deviation

Given 2005-09-22

clocks drive you crazy, too is an interesting take on poetic form. Some people say list poetry fails; ~foreverhope takes it to the extreme and completely destroys that criticism. (Suggested by `wildoats and Featured by `imperfect)

Comments


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:iconhyacinthgarden:
~HyacinthGarden Sep 21, 2005, 11:08:10 PM
I love how you have used the list format. The first three lines are my favorite, and to narrow it down further, the third line. I love how you added "I promise" instead of just letting it sit; it added a lot of feeling for who the narrator is, just those two words - at least to me.

As to why I like the first three lines in general: The straight-forward sentence structure lends itself to telling someone something rather than floating away and leaving them confused. It's even better if the writer can use that structure and still have subtlety, which you do.

Anyway, I really like this poem. :)

--
-Katia
:iconmalos:
~MaloS Sep 21, 2005, 11:21:29 PM
duuuuudeee soooo random! you are the master! (or mistress...i am too lazy to check)

i also love how a dd has 2 comments....

--
d(~.~)b
:iconfriedricechopsticks:
~friedricechopsticks Sep 21, 2005, 11:33:02 PM
Congrats on the dd.

--
[link] <-- Anne
[link] <-- Ruth
:iconmikeyt333:
!MikeyT333 Sep 21, 2005, 11:55:13 PM
rockin:)

--
If we follow the system of eye for an eye for an eye we all end up blind, so said Gandhi
:iconninjakitteh:
~NinjaKitteh Sep 22, 2005, 12:18:20 AM
this is so....beyond! I love it! The list format makes it work so well. Awesome job.b :)

--
"I fucked you mum!" "....go home dad...your drunk."
:iconfireflycatcher:
~fireflycatcher Sep 22, 2005, 3:59:36 AM
reminds me of a list from the autograph man
:iconindigo-sorrow:
~Indigo-sorrow Sep 22, 2005, 5:45:25 AM
Not entirely sure about this one, but it is an interesting poem.
It seems as though, here, the poet merely nudges the reader's mind into creating internal poetry of their own. Each point in the list seems incomplete but suffucient enough to evoke particular imagery, feeling.

Interesting. :)

--
:bulletblue: "The secret to a long life is try not to shorten it" :bulletblue:

---
:iconpulm0nary:
~Pulm0nary Sep 22, 2005, 6:00:00 AM
Confusing.. :P but a :+fav: for the creativity and expression.
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